Diet Coke to the rescue

Diet Coke...

• Indicates that the working day is to its halfway point and offers a bit of redemption to another 2-minute-microwave lunch tasting slightly of cardboard and riddled with preservatives that will help me live until I'm 108
• Can clean coins, grout, erosion from car batteries, and strip dye from hair
• Will sometimes stave off an at-work, mid-afternoon beer craving - if consumed ice cold, in about 3 gulps, and followed by a shocking deep belly burp
• Is now flavored, fortified, or available with not-completely-fake sugar (Splenda*). I recommend you stick to the original.
• Is a working girl's version of the silver bullet...

* Splenda has resulted in the recent artificialization and downfall of sweetened coffees, baked goods, and carbonated beverages 'round the world. Ug.